No Light

[valerie_vause]

Coins clinked as they were slid into the payphone by the side of the road. The phone cradled tightly against an ear as the ring echoed down the line. She wiped her eyes with the back of a hand. A frayed picture clutched in it, the corners faded and worn away from use. A single digit traced the woman’s face as the call got answered.

A cheerful, gruff voice responded. “Hello?”

“... Dad?” She sniffled. Cautious, tentative.

“Valerie?” The tone was shocked. A moment of stunned silence.

“Yeah, I really… I wanted to hear your voi-”

“What are you doing?” He cut her off, no more cheer carried down the line.

“I wanted to talk. We haven’t spoken sin-”

“And whose fault was that? Your own mother!” It was a bark of anger.

She recoiled, hot tears scalded her cheeks, voice meek as she whispered, “Daddy please… it’s the Holiday season and I, I really need y-”

“She’d still be here if it wasn’t for you. You’re own family! Now all I have is ashes.” The accusation pure venom.

“She…” The words stuck in her throat as she stared at the photograph. “She wasn’t mom anymore, you know that.”

“You did that to her! You couldn’t protect her, it’s your fault she’s gone.”

“Daddy please…” She choked on a sob. “Don’t say that, I tried! You know I tr-”

“It should have been you. That’s who they came for.” The cold tone was firm, resolute.

“I’m sorry! I miss her so much, everyday, and I miss-” The line went dead. “You.”

The call had been five hours ago after she’d left Brian’s apartment and it had gotten dark. Valerie had been walking for miles, she didn’t actually know where she was; hadn’t paid attention. It had seemed irrelevant. Twice she’d encountered vampires. One by itself that had practically landed on her before she turned it to dust. Then three later on. The fight had lasted a while, it gave her a reprieve of emotions, let her be hollow where the only pain she felt was physical. Now, she trudged through a run down area, derelict buildings loomed menacingly on either side, looking for more. The toe of her shoe hit an empty bottle and she reached over, picked it up. As if in a trance she clutched the neck and smashed it against the wall. Watched the way it split skin as she dragged it up her left arm. In the dark, blood looked like ink. If anything was near, they’d smell it, they’d come out to play.

“Come get me.” She whispered, leaving behind the smallest trail of drips as she walked. “I’m ready.”

[Thread Open To Anyone]

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[valerie_vause]

“Happy holidays.”

The phrase had been the first to enter her mind when she heard her name. Either that or it would have been ‘hi’ because her mind couldn’t quite come up with anything else. Filled with fog, hard to navigate but at least not buzzing loudly as if white noise were trying to emit from her brain. That could either be a step up, or down, depending on how you viewed it. Right now she preferred the fog, not quite numb but… Quiet. Perhaps her head was tired and couldn’t keep up with the demand of thoughts that had ran rampant through it.

Valerie actually paused to look at her arm, as if only really seeing the red stain as it seeped further along the fabric. Absently she brushed her palm against shirt, then her pants, to rid it of the liquid the way a child would smear paint or sauce. Without thought or care. The clothes were ruined anyway.

“It’s not very deep. Thought it would draw them out faster.” Valerie’s gaze turned back to the night briefly, then returned to the car. The Watcher now out of it, it took her a second to see that, then she found her again. “Guess nobody’s around.”

Compulsive honesty. When would she learn that lesson. Obviously not today. For all of her brains she could be quite dim at times. “One a few hours ago. Three about…” She raised her right arm to look at her wrist, no watch, just a ruined cuff and a mark where it belonged and let out a breath. “I don’t know, an hour or a half. I’m not sure.”

[st_clare]

I should have called, invited her over. Why didn't I get in touch with her?

Julianna shook her head at herself. This was no time for self-recrimination. Her doubts, as potent as they were, would not help her at the moment. They certainly wouldn't help Valerie.

"It looks deep enough." She couldn't really see the wound because of the way the Slayer had positioned her arm, but if she was bleeding that much it was more than a flesh wound. And had the blonde said she'd thought it would draw 'them' out faster? It was true the undead could smell blood, like sharks that walked on land. Julianna's stomach tightened with dread.

"No, it doesn't look as if anyone's around."

Now she was faced with a dilemma. If she tried to break through the apparent fugue state, Valerie could become hysterical, which would be even less productive. Had Elfleda paid another visit, done to her what she'd done to Julianna? The Englishwoman's well-cut mouth tightened,

"You're hurt." Her tone was gentle, without command. "I have a first aid kit in the car. May I see to your arm?"

[valerie_vause]

Shame or embarrassment would have been natural at being caught wandering around looking like a lunatic that had escaped the local asylum yet Valerie felt neither. There was a void. An emptiness that resounded from within and weighed everything else down. Could gravity work on the soul? Perhaps she had she lost it along the way. Could you lose it without dying, the same way you lost keys or money by simply misplacing it and then forgetting where you’d left it for later? Or could it float off by itself to leave you behind, too disgusted to remain, like Peter Pan’s shadow?

Valerie didn’t own a sewing kit.

“Oh.” Valerie pushed her sleeve back up to her elbow, her gaze traveled along the long gash, assessing it for the first time. Maybe it was deeper than she’d thought. Her eyes went back to Julianna and lingered, then back off into the darkness, not really looking for anything so much as acknowledging their surroundings. She belonged in the dark. To the night. They were familiar. Shadows were not friends but they offered a sense of… Belonging.

“Yes.” She said, belatedly as her gaze drifted back to Julianna, and she stepped closer, instinctively holding her arm out, palm up. Unsure what else to do with it. “Thank you.”

Either her eyelids were heavy or her eye’s were dry but blinking was somewhat uncomfortable. She did it anyway, then asked quietly, “Where do they go when they’re turned, the spirits? With so many Gods and monsters… Where do they go?”

[st_clare]

"I don't know. The lore says that when a human is turned into a vampire, their soul vanishes and a demon takes up residence in what's left. The physical body goes on, generally to wreak havoc until someone returns them to the earth as ashes. I suppose it depends on what you believe as to if the soul goes to heaven or hell."

Julianna's voice was still quiet and without urgency, but she was moving while she talked. She killed the BMW's motor and took the keys out of the ignition, The first aid box was in the trunk, along with the spare tire and two road flares. The Watcher took the kit out, then stepped around the vehicle's rear bumper to where the Slayer stood. A better option might have been to sit in the backseat and do this, but she didn't want to put the blonde in a confined space right now.

"Here. Let me see."

When the Slayer extended her arm, the older woman examined the cut critically. It didn't seem to be too deep, as Valerie had said, but it was definitely self-inflicted. Her brow creased with consternation. She didn't seem to have a knife on her person. What had she cut herself with?

"You did well to keep some pressure on it, even if it was just to conceal the injury," she said. A small bottle of antiseptic was removed from the box, held up for inspection.

"I'm going to clean it a bit, then bandage it as best I can. I'm afraid it's going to sting."

[valerie_vause]

Valerie listened to Julianna the way a church goer listened to a Priest, searching for something only it felt out of reach. No solutions, no definite, just countless possibilities that may or may not exist. She fell silent again, head bowed as if she could peek inside the earth's core as if hell would open up to give her a glimpse. Then upward to the sky, in search of heaven amongst the stars. She knew hell dimensions were real, so one without the other would be cruel. Life in general was cruel. In ways, it was just downright messy.

“I don’t know what I believe anymore.”

The words came out sounding lost though the blonde failed to register the tone. Simply stated it like it was nothing. It felt like nothing. She felt like nothing. Then she breathed in, shut her eyes. Julianna’s voice was… Calming. Soft. It didn’t quite penetrate the heavy feeling, it didn’t quite lessen it either but it gave her something to focus on. To listen to other than her own thoughts and it lulled her almost the way a snake charmer managed to quell serpents.

The next comment was a bit desultory as Valerie sighed, “Don’t be afraid. Nothing is out here, you have a car.”

The blonde watched as Julianna inspected the wound, held perfectly still so that she didn’t drip on her or the car, as if those two things were the most important things at that precise moment. “There was a bottle.” She said, then turned to look back as if searching for it. “I don’t know whose. Useful though. Sharp.” Germs apparently hadn’t crossed her mind, let alone how long it had probably been there, drained of whatever liquid had once filled it. If Julianna hadn’t been so gracious as to tend to the cut then she would have surely ended up with an infection. Quite possibly a serious one, despite her fast healing.

[st_clare]

Glass, then.Julianna just shook her head in silence. "Sharper edges are best for cutting," she said with irony in her voice. "It leaves a cleaner cut, which makes it easier to bandage."

She wiped the excess blood away with a soft cloth, then used the antiseptic as carefully as she could. The bleeding had slowed, the clotting process having started. Julianna recapped the bottle, set it aside on the roof of the car.

Large gauze pads and a wrap were produced, and the older woman placed one of the pads over the wound, applying gentle pressure. She felt the tension subside a bit when it didn't immediately soak through. Thank God for Slayer healing.

When the gauze was in place, she began to wrap it so it would remain in place while the wound closed. To keep out dirt. Every now and then, she would glance away from what her hands were doing to look at Valerie's face.

"Would you like to talk about it? Whatever it is that's happened?" Julianna was looking away again, focusing on taping things in place. Her tone indicated patience. It was only partially forced.

"It's not...her, is it? The one we spoke of?"

[valerie_vause]

The cleaning process did sting, and when it began to get wrapped up, it burned. Sensations that, in truth, mitigated some of the things she felt to more manageable levels and she let out a shaky breath. “Thank you.” Valerie whispered, head once again bowed as she watched everything Julianna did. Sometimes she missed something, her mind would wander, but she’d blink and it would all come into focus again.

“I buried her gift under a tree in a park. I’d have prefered if it was her, this is all on me.” Teeth worried the inside of her lip and she looked away, her posture seemed to worsen, as if she’d deflated further and was gradually sinking to the ground millimeter by millimeter. “Have you ever felt something so strongly in a moment that you believed was so true then later when you try to tell someone else you realise you might be wrong, but by then it’s too late? I’m not very good at navigating emotions.”

Her free hand raised to rub at her eye, irritating it more than anything else as she gazed into the shadows with a slight hitch of breath. “I’m very skilled at hurting the people I care for without intending too.”

Then she fell silent again, her mind drifted between what happened a few hours ago, and what happened a few years ago. Each painful, but one utterly catastrophic. “I told him I thought I might want to see a girl too, but when I said it I didn’t feel it the way I had earlier, so I suggested something foolish that I thought was what all men liked. I was way off with that so he thinks I’m a contradiction, and we had words because he suggested we slow down, be friends, I took it that he was breaking up with me and got defensive, I said I couldn’t just be around him as a friend, he got defensive, more word bombs were exchanged, and he broke it off. I can respect that.”

The blonde swallowed thickly, frowned down at her feet, and felt the tell tale sting of salt water as it began to blur her vision. “Then I tried calling my dad because… And he still after two years… He still hates me for what happened but I tried so hard and failed and it’s… It’s my duty to slay. She wasn’t…” She fought the ache, the build up, but couldn’t stop the lump in her throat. “She wasn’t her anymore…”