A Soft Place to Fall?

[st_clare]

She was afraid to go home.

After she threw up, Julianna slipped into a semi-fugue state while the revulsion subsided to a manageable level. It was almost like dozing off, but not quite. Her thoughts wandered far afield while she tried to regain her equilibrium. When she felt that her knees would be able to support her, she got to her feet and left the bathroom. She didn't know how she was going to explain to the people who handled the budget that she needed a new desk.

Her car was the only one left in the faculty lot when she finally made it outside. She dropped her keys twice while trying to unlock the door. When she looked at her watch, it was nearly ten o clock.

She couldn't go home. Not yet.

When she got behind the wheel, the Watcher directed the BMW towards the street, then decided to hit the all-night coffee shop near her complex. The roads were quiet at that hour, and she went on autopilot, deliberately trying not to think. She could still smell that invisible stench.

There was a payphone on the sidewalk in front of the cafe, and Julianna dug some change out of her wallet to drop coins into the slot. She spoke haltingly to the person on the other end of the line, then gave her location. The receiver made a quiet clunking sound when she put it back into place.

The interior of the shop was brightly lit, and the Englishwoman ordered a cup of hot tea at the counter before taking a table situated in a far corner. The tea smelled fragrant, but she didn't really want it.

Comments

[birthright_npc]

Nathan Donovan may have been a lot of things, but stupid was not one of them. The call from Julianna had lacked a certain warmth and familiarity as their previous conversations had, she sounded... terse and as if somebody had pulled her to within an inch of her tolerance. If anything she had sounded strange, almost as though she had seen too much and had little left over for pleasantries and soft remarks. It wasn't like her or at least it wasn't at all like the woman he had thought she was. But then he's no fool and knows all too well that what goes on between them is light, meant to be fun and nothing quite so deep as to be soul searching.

Getting to her location was the easy part, opening the door, not so much. There was something in her tone of voice which had set his alarm bells ringing, but Nathan would rather see the truth of the matter for himself than assume. Assumption was the death of conversation after all. He spied her sitting alone at a table and moved to join her, hands shedding his jacket and eyes searching her expression with nothing short of concern in the depths of them.

"Julianna?" He asked, troubled by the strange look in her eyes and the pale look to her normally vibrant face. "Is everything alright?"

[st_clare]

Was everything all right? What a perfectly ludicrous question.

What was even more ludicrous was that she couldn't even look at him, and considering that she'd been cavorting shamelessly with him since the night they'd met it made no logical sense. But she was afraid of what he'd see in her eyes if he really looked at her. She was probably worrying him. She knew she'd sounded like a wreck over the phone, and she probably looked like hell. A far cry from the put-together woman he was acquainted with.

"I'm sorry if I called too late," she said, her voice a little robotic. "I thought about stopping by your apartment, but I know I can't just show up whenever I feel like it. Not without asking first."

The cup of tea was warm between her palms. Nathan was still standing. He was wearing chinos and a dark button-down shirt. As a winter, the muted colors suited his complexion. The Watcher indicated the other chair at the table with a nod of her head. "We...we should talk."

[birthright_npc]

She wasn't making eye contact and if anything she was going out of her way to avoid looking at him. Was he really so repulsive? He liked to think that he wasn't and she certainly hadn't complained all the times they had been intimate. He placed his jacket over the nearby chair and came to a seated position, eyes trying to catch hers to see if he couldn't see more of what she wasn't telling him.

Her voice didn't sound right, it sounded blank and devoid of the normal personality it usually held. And then she said the three words that everybody dreaded hearing even if they weren't in a direct relationship because those three words normally meant something bad. Truth be told Nathan wasn't ready to let go of this thing he had with Julianna just yet even though he understood that it was frivolous and fun, nothing more. Didn't mean he wanted it to come to an end just yet.

"Fine," he affirmed with a nod of his head. "But only if you look at me first."

[st_clare]

Julianna risked it, because if she didn't do as he requested they couldn't get this over with. It was the first truly coherent thought she'd had when she emerged from her fugue, and she'd grabbed onto it as if that alone could pull her back to reality. She tried to smile. It made her look like she was in pain. In a way, she was.

"I...we..."

His eyes were really brown, the color of good chocolate. The concern she saw there made her shaky, but she couldn't insult him by looking away. She wasn't deluded into believing she was in love with him. She'd gone after him because she'd wanted him, and when he proved amenable to an extended arrangement they'd settled into a pattern that suited them both. They saw each other when it was comfortable and convenient. This particular encounter was neither of those things.

Bloody hell, this was ridiculous.

"I don't think we should see each other anymore."

[birthright_npc]

"What?" Nathan asked, looking taken aback. This was completely out of the blue and he wasn't deluded to think there was love involved, but he had thought there were on a mutual respect sort of level where he would have been given some sort of warning that she was no longer interested.

And whilst the words had been spoken they felt insincere almost forced. Perhaps that was him clinging to false hope, but there was more going on here, far more than she was letting on. Her smile wasn't really a smile more a grimace, something was wrong, but he didn't know what.

"Just like that?" He queried. "I mean, did I do something? Or is there something else going on that you don't want to say?" He'd never been shy and this much was clear in how he reached out to capture her hand, frowning as despite the warmth of the mug her fingers still felt ice cold. What on the earth? His concern blossomed and it filled his eyes and spread across his face. "You don't seem yourself, Julianna."

[st_clare]

She couldn't explain herself, give her reasons. Not the real ones. Nathan was a civilian, and that meant he was ill-equipped to handle the truth about the world she was so knowledgeable of. She was concerned for Valerie too, but Valerie at least had some inkling of what an entity like Elfleda was capable of. Julianna knew that Nathan would not be prepared if she tried to give him the facts.

"It's nothing you've done," she said, allowing him to take her hand because it might provide some comfort, no matter how miniscule. Would he think it was the age difference? While it was true that she'd had minor concerns about introducing him to her colleagues at the university, he already had his degree, so he was no longer a student. Pointing fingers meant little to her at this stage in her life.

But that didn't change the fact that she was terrified of what might happen to him if the Corruptress decided to harm him to send a further message. If vampires could be vindictive, a being so totally soiled could only be worse. He would be safer if he was away from her.

"There's so much I can't tell you," the Watcher said, letting go of the mug of tea with her other hand to cover Nathan's knuckles. "Things you'd never believe, or even want to believe. That's why I asked to meet in public, in the hope that we can make a clean break."

[birthright_npc]

And Nathan on some subconscious level knew that, knew that Julianna was keeping things from him. Secrets. But they were her secrets to keep, not his to probe and dig for, especially as their arrangement wasn't about baring your soul but rather other things. He might not be adept in the ways of subterfuge and poker faces, but he knew Julianna had her ways and definitely had a good face. It was cracked though, the truth shining through the smallest of fissures.

"So much you can't tell me or so much you don't want to tell me?" Nathan challenged, levelling Julianna with those eyes of his, the same eyes that had looked into hers on more than one occasion as they'd shared moments of passion. "I'm afraid you're going to have to do better than that, Julianna."

He furrowed his brow. "I should have warned you that I'm rather hard to get rid of unless I have really good reason." He squeezed her hand. "You have anything else in your arsenal?"

[st_clare]

Julianna made an impatient noise, but she'd been prepared for him to argue. It was very hard to look at those dark, beautiful eyes while trying to think of a good enough lie.

It wasn't as if she wanted to break things off. As casual as it was, their quasi-relationship was one of the things that made Las Vegas bearable for her. But it would be irresponsible to maintain the connection if Elfleda's eye was going to be on her. She didn't have to love Nathan to want to keep him away from that filthy bitch.

"I'm afraid."

Maybe if she told him a fraction of the truth, that would be good enough. The Watcher took a breath and squared her shoulders. "I'm afraid I've attracted the attention of someone unbalanced," she began. 'Unbalanced' was putting it mildly, but it was the best word she could come up with.

"The safety of the people around me could become a concern. I wouldn't want you to be hurt because of me."

[birthright_npc]

Afraid?

Nathan's brow furrowed in confusion and he wanted to ask questions, but he remained silent as he had learned that Julianna put her thoughts together in a way that was considered and as such they required time. Time he was willing to give as something was clearly troubling her.

Then she mentioned catching the attention of somebody unbalanced and concern soon grabbed a hold of him, especially as he didn't like the thought that Julianna could be in danger.

"Have you spoken to the authorities?"

When she expressed concern for him Nathan shook his head. "I'm a big boy, Julianna. Perfectly capable of taking care of myself. And you shouldn't have to push people away because of this person. I'm not sure how that's fair."

[st_clare]

"The authorities wouldn't be able to help. Not with this. There are sources I can turn to, but the police aren't equipped to deal with this."

She would have to call London once she got the nerve to go back to her apartment. The protection charm she'd had blessed for Valerie might not be enough to ward the Corruptress off, not if her invisible entourage really accompanied her everywhere. Julianna tightened her grip on Nathan's hands, tried not to show the depth of her panic that this wasn't proceeding according to plan.

"She's very dangerous," the Englishwoman said, lowering her voice until it was barely above a whisper. "She might even be psychotic, although an actual diagnosis might be difficult to make. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you."

And that was the crux of it, or at least the tip of the emotional iceberg. If this had happened before her experience with Allison, she'd have dealt with it and then moved on. But she was quailing not just because of the threat to herself but also because of the possibility that what was perceived as her interference could cause an innocent bystander to be hurt.

"Please, Nathan. Please. I'm trying to protect you."

[birthright_npc]

"And you shouldn't be making decisions for me," Nathan pointed out with an affecionate smile. "I'm a grown man and as such I should be given the right to decide what I think I can or can't handle." He squeezed her hand. "I appreciate that you're doing what you think is the right thing to protect me, but who is thinking of your best interests?"

He lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. "I think you've been through a terrible scare and you shouldn't be making any decisions right now because they are rash, fuelled by panic and you will end up regretting them." He might be younger and had considerably less worldly experience but he was still wise in a lot of ways.

"I'll be fine," he reassured.

[st_clare]

His stubbornness made her want to shake him, but now that she'd made the connection in her head she couldn't deny the sense of it. She might be trying to protect him physically, but she was also trying to protect herself emotionally. If this was part of trying to control things, perhaps she really should step back and take a breath.

Julianna let go of Nathan's hands and closed the distance between their chairs to put her arms around his shoulders. It was never easy for her to ask for support, and thus far they hadn't had the sort of relationship that made it easy for her now. Being companionable in the afterglow wasn't the same thing as asking him to tend to her emotional needs. But in the moment of Now, what she needed was comfort to make the icy knot of terror start to melt.

"You're right." Her voice was muffled because she had her face pressed against the side of his neck. The girl behind the counter was looking at them, probably thinking that Nathan was being very patient with his worried mother. Julianna didn't care what she thought.

"There are things I can do to make you safer, but I can't make up your mind for you. I am afraid. Terrified. But I don't want you to go away."

[birthright_npc]

Nathan encirled Julianna with his arms when she came closer, grip strong and unwavering. He even went so far as to run his hand through her hair, pausing to cup the back of her neck where he squeezed softly and reassuringly.

"I have my moments," Nathan offered with a a slow smile as Julianna admitted he was right. "Few and far between I know, but when I have them I really have them."

He listened to her words and tightened his embrace. "Whatever you need to do, do it. I'm not going anywhere."

[st_clare]

The tightening of Nathan's arms made Julianna lock her hands together more securely, and the ball of ice in her guts experienced a slight thaw. That made some more of her rationality come back. He really was right, now was not the time to be trying to make choices. Certainly it wasn't the time to try and impose her will on someone else. Her capitulation would have annoyed her more if she'd really had her mind made up about pushing him away.

He felt warm and solid. The fear was still there, but it was gradually becoming manageable. There were things she could do to make the situation easier to handle. Elfleda was dangerous, yes, but her powers couldn't be limitless.

"Thank you." Being grateful was difficult for her. Being humble was even more difficult. But right now, Julianna was both. That Nathan had let her rattle on without rattling herself to pieces gave him a depth even she hadn't realized he possessed. The Watcher hugged him tighter. She must have trusted him at least a little, since he'd been the one she'd called.

"Thank you," she repeated. "For being here. There's still so much I'd like to tell you, but I can't. But it matters that you're here." She rested her forehead against his.

"Can I spend the night with you?" She hoped he realized she meant it to be platonic for once. She certainly didn't feel the slightest bit seductive. But she could use the closeness, the presence of someone she liked.

[birthright_npc]

Nathan was pleased to feel the way in which Julianna's grip tightened and she was not pulling away from him. If anything she was coming closer, no longer trying to put distance between them. It was a relief, especially as he was not yet willing to let go of the older woman who had rocked his world since she'd first entered it.

"No need for thanks," he said with a shake of his head, fingers combing through her hair and lips pressing against her temple in an oddly tender moment. He then fell silent when she admitted there was still much to tell him and that she couldn't. She said that a lot, as though she was prohibited or scared. He couldn't decide which, but those were her secrets to keep as his were. He wasn't going to push, not if it meant that they stopped seeing one another.

As she pulled back, resting her forehead against his, his lips tugged into a smile and his gaze caught hers. "Of course," he said easily and without thought. He didn't need to know what she was thinking, he could understand her intent without the words. "I think it would be best if we got out of here now, don't you?"

[st_clare]

It was a slight struggle to get out of the chair, but that was only because standing up meant she had to let go of him. Her mug of tea still sat, untouched, on the table. It had probably gotten cold by now.

"I can get my car in the morning," she said, indicating the lot outside with a tilt of her head. "This is a good neighborhood and there's no time limit unless you park at the curb." She took his hand, linking her fingers with his.

"Just...take me home with you."