A Difficult Talk

[st_clare]

Julianna had never been to Valerie's dorm room before. They'd always met after class or at her apartment, but she'd wanted to approach the Slayer here. This was going to be difficult, and she needed a neutral environment for it.

She'd called ahead, to make sure the blonde would be available, and she knocked on the door hesitantly. There was a hard knot of trepidation in her stomach. It was hard for her to ask for help, even under good circumstances. These were not good circumstances, but she was going t struggle through this request regardless of that.

"Breathe."

It was a murmur, and the Watcher looked over her shoulder as if worried she might be overheard. She was a dedicated professional, and that meant she could do this. Even if asking for asistance was not her forte.

Comments

[valerie_vause]

Initially after the phone call Valerie hadn’t considered anything strange, but as the day went on and she made her way back to her room the conversation had stuck in her mind. Julianna had sounded… Perplexed. For reasons beyond the blonde it left her feeling curious. The Watcher had, on occasion, showed vulnerability and Valerie respected her for it but this felt different. In the sense that she couldn’t quite pinpoint what was going on.

The only thing the blonde really knew was that she wanted to be there for the woman. Whatever it was, she had decided immediately that she wouldn’t face it alone. Not after the elder had picked her up on the side of the road and held her together when she was literally coming apart at the seams. Nobody had ever witnessed Valerie in such a state and Julianna had never once held it over her head as leverage. That, more than anything, had solidified her bond to the woman.

Valerie had changed out of her dirty, paint splattered clothes and tied her hair back when she felt the woman’s presence. Quietly she had made her way over to the door and splayed her left palm against it as if that could grant a connection, a strength the woman needed. After a solid minute of waiting, the blonde took a deep breath and pulled the door open. Valerie offered the Watcher a soft smile, unsure what kind of issue had her so nervous but she wanted her to know whatever it was, it would be alright.

“Hey…” She said softly as she tilted her head slightly. “Do you want to come in or would you rather I came out? Either’s fine with me.”

[st_clare]

"Ah..."

To step inside or stand out here in the hall? Considering the favor she needed, it might be more politic to speak privately. It would be pointless to risk someone stumbling upon the conversation. Not that they'd understand the real meaning behind it, but secrecy was a hard habit to break after a lifetime of telling half-truths.

Julianna cleared her throat. Her indecision annoyed her. "I've decided to take a bit of a trip," she told Valerie, squaring her emotional shoulders. "I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I wanted to inform you so you don't think I've dropped out of sight for no reason."

The Watcher looked down at her shoes. Good God, this was ridiculous.

"I'm going to Boston." She said it deliberately as she raised her gaze to meet the Slayer's eyes. "To the cemetery where Allison was buried."

[valerie_vause]

Valerie remained silent as she took in Julianna’s demeanor. One golden eyebrow quirked at the mention of taking a trip because usually a vacation of sorts evoked pleasant emotions. Julianna stood before her looking utterly defeated, and it concerned her. However, she wouldn’t voice that. No, she wouldn’t mention it at all because she refused to cause the woman any embarrassment. Spotlights didn’t need to be directed to the obvious, and so she listened.

When the Watcher gazed at her own shoes Valerie frowned. By the time the woman met her gaze the younger blonde had smoothed her features back into a curious expression. Though the weight of the words hit her in the face like a brick, Valerie took them in stride and simply nodded without so much as a flinch. Well, that explained the resigned posture. Valerie could have sworn she felt her heart tear partially from witnessing it.

Yet in that moment Valerie made a decision, despite the lack of invite. Regardless of what Julianna thought or how she may even take it. “Okay.” She said quietly. Before the Watcher could answer, the blonde turned on her heel to grab her wallet, her jacket, and her keys. Then she stepped into the hallway and locked the door as if they were simply going out for coffee. It didn’t matter how long they would be gone. It didn’t matter which classes she would miss. Life, for them, would forever be different. Different, but united.

“Are we driving, or flying?”

[st_clare]

And she'd been struggling to find the words to make the request, to say, 'Will you go with me?' She was a proud woman, a stubborn, arrogant woman who couldn't bear the thought that she might need assistance occasionally. It was why she'd rejected the idea of seeing a psychiatrist or getting counseling after her Slayer was killed. Seeking outside help was supposed to be for weaklings, wasn't it? That was what Mother would have said.

But she couldn't live this way anymore. Not if this new start with Valerie was to truly mean something. She couldn't even make an attempt at honesty with Nathan if she didn't find real closure. The book on this must be finally shut.

"Thank you, Valerie." Her voice was muted, thick with an unnameable Something that she forced the words past. Thank you for not insisting that I ask.

"It will take longer to drive, but I thought it would be nice to take the scenic route, as it were. I put petrol in the tank before I called, and if you know how to operate a manually powered transmission, you can take a stint behind the wheel." Julianna had decided not to quibble over details about class schedules and missed work. Her past was about to collide with her present, and that was enough to contend with.