Just So You Know

[brian_campo]

Nimble fingers popped quarters into a payphone. The segmented cord creaked as Maddy propped the receiver against her cheek. She leaned as far into the stall as possible, plugging her open ear. The club was crowded and noisy; she could barely hear the dial tone or the voice on the other end, a distracted ‘hello?’

“Brian! It’s Maddy!” she shouted.

His eardrum vibrated under the sonic assault and he asked, “Yeah, where the fuck are you?”

“The Funhouse.” She touched a piece of chewed gum and recoiled, wiping her palm on her jeans.

Brian frowned. “Really? Why?” It didn’t seem like her kind of place; Maddy was into the kind of punk-rock dump where a girl could take off her top and nobody got arrested. “Is it dollar shots or something?”

“No, I’m meeting Melody. We just got off work. This is probably the only place on the planet where her vocal talents can be appreciated. Listen, I just saw Valerie. I thought you might wanna know. Didn't you say you tanked your phone message?” Maddy craned her neck and saw the blonde was still near the bar. The silence has stretched on too long, so she said, “Brian?”

He was pacing his cramped living room. There was a potato chip on the floor and he crushed it under his shoe by accident. Shit. “Did you talk to her?”

Maddy snorted. “No, she’d probably punch me.”

“What? Why?” Brian had that feeling he often got with Maddy, like there was an inside joke he was too dense to get.

“Nothing, never mind. Just come out, okay?” Maddy turned back into the pay phone, her fingers tracing the buttons. “You know you want to. So sack up.” Maybe it was concern for Brian making her push the issue, or maybe it was guilt: in her opinion, that relationship was a casualty of the domino effect. If she’d handled the conversation with Valerie better, then maybe the blonde wouldn’t have been so upset when she landed on Brian’s doorstep, and maybe Brian would’ve seen the situation more clearly.

“Yeah, okay.” He was already stalking the room in search of a clean shirt.

“Atta boy, little bro.” Maddy hung up. The quarter plunked into the depths and she squeezed into the crowd, hoping to find Melody before she got felt up by a body builder or propositioned by a sleazy investment banker.

Brian frowned and hung up. Little brother, another of those inside jokes he didn’t get. He tore through his apartment looking for keys, his wallet, a folded piece of paper, cursing under his breath when he tripped on an extension cord. He was out the door in three minutes.

[Thread]

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[brian_campo]

Jesus, her hands on his waistband. Brian’s eyes widened and he glanced at the ceiling, an exasperated gesture. He was way too reactive. He wasn’t sure if Valerie knew what that was like, and he found himself wishing his t-shirt was shorter, that she might accidentally touch his back. The devil was in the details with her; a thumb that once stroked his palm, evoking an embarrassing telekinetic reaction, and now an index finger gently tugging, the jeans lifting off his skinny hips for a second. He thought about the first time he took off his shirt in front of her. They were on the couch and she traced a tattoo and…

Dude, cut it out, you’re going to humiliate yourself.

Because she was really close and her hair was soft on his jaw, but the thing was, you didn’t pull away from what felt amazing, not when you were operating more with your body than your brain. You might hear tires squealing in your head, a feverish pumping of the car brakes, but still you’d find yourself doing something stupid, like sticking your hand in her back pocket.

Which was what Brian did next. He had taken that folded square of paper from his own pocket and jammed into hers, but he left his fingers there. That way, if she kneed him in the balls, she’d still find it later.

What was he doing, again? What was the goal here, to grope her on the dance floor? To lead her away and talk? No, forget that, talking got him mixed up. He always said the wrong thing. Or the right thing, but badly. He was a nice guy with the verbal ticks of an asshole. Brian did not want to be an asshole tonight. He needed to put it all on the table, to let her know how he felt and what he thought and, more importantly, he needed to avert disaster.

How, how, how? He was shit at this. How did he get her in the first place?

Right. It was Valerie that made the move; she knocked on the door, grabbed his t-shirt and kissed him. Maybe he should be more like that. More like how he used to behave back stage when he saw a lone girl lingering. Back when he didn’t think so much. He just… just…

Opened his mouth and breathed into her ear. Kissed it. Not friendly, not anything that might get mistaken for plain old affectionate. No, he was coming on to her. He raised his voice over the music. “This was what I meant.”

[valerie_vause]

An involuntary clench of her fingers brought short nails precariously close to nipping at skin through the fabric of his shirt when Valerie felt Brian’s hand descend into her back pocket. Fluid almost, the way it sunk inside without any form of restraint. The breath in her throat stuck. His hand, much larger than hers, seemed to fill the space fully and she could feel the heat radiating from his palm. She never did get to feel the roughness of his skin against the smoothness of hers, and right then it was all she could seem to think of. How it would feel if he grasped her like that without the barrier of clothes between them. Millimeters of fabric that might as well have been miles. Perhaps that was why she felt her hips shift. Backwards by no more than an inch, but into his hand, while she kept her torso firmly against his. Unwilling to create distance for even a second. Not if this dance was all she was getting.

Would he regret this later? Would she? No. Not a chance. The thought was so clear, so rational that Valerie gasped. Buried her face against his chest and tried to hold onto reality before the butterflies in her stomach turned into baby pterodactyls and left her a jittering mess. She wanted to touch him back, to feel him beneath her finger tips, against her tongue. Yet there was fear. What if she was simply reading the signals wrong? What if this was just how people danced together and it meant nothing more, nothing less?

Brian’s hot breath against her ear immediately sent warmth to pool in the pit of her stomach, and if Valerie were being blunt, a little further down than that too. She meant to bite her lip and yet ended up mouthing gently at his chest, teeth barely grazing but lips softly pressing against his shirt. When his mouth found her ear she felt the moan in her throat more than she actually heard it, stifled as it was against him. The sensations were almost paradoxical, Valerie simultaneously felt weak and yet the most alive she’d felt in months. How could he do that by doing barely anything at all? How was it possible that her blood could boil from his attention like she’d sprinted across the whole dessert?

Valerie could barely contain her own actions but when he spoke… Oh, it did things to her.

Things that she couldn’t quite explain and really didn’t want too. Instead she went with the urges. Allowed herself the low growl of desire that rumbled within her chest even as her breath hitched. Let her fingers hook inside his waistband to map the slight curve and dip of his spine and back gently, only to pull him closer with a firm insistence. Tipped her head back just enough to blink up at him and ask carefully, “Are you sure?” Before temptation took hold and she turned her face into his arm. The blonde nuzzled at the exposed muscle thanks to his t-shirt, and delivered a wet, open mouthed kiss against it because she craved to taste the salty tang of his skin. Maybe she should have asked, but by the time filtered into her mind her tongue was already languidly exploring the flesh she’d captured between her lips.

This could be a huge mistake. It could be the emotional equivalent of an all out apocalypse. It could tear them apart worse than a demon attack. It could be a lot of things, but Valerie was tired of worrying about the potential for it all to explode in their faces. She wanted to believe instead.

Valerie chose to trust that it wouldn’t.

[brian_campo]

He laughed under his breath. Was he sure? Did kids eat cake? Was he supposed to think anything else when she licked his bicep? He cradled her head in his large, open palm, and yeah it made it harder to think because Brian’s imagination roamed like a kite on a very loose string, swooping and diving and soon he had to shut his eyes to stay decent in public.

“I’m sure.”

Brian wasn’t an idiot. He knew it would be hard, trying to understand Valerie as she searched for herself. Even now, he wasn’t 100% sure what she needed or intended to do; she’d been crying when she tried to explain it, apologizing even as she defended herself. Still, it was easier than being without her. He might have to adjust his expectations, but he could do it. He would. After all, he wasn’t traditional. What had Valerie done when he admitted to being a raging drug user? Taken a pill right out of his pocket and gone along for the ride. She tried.

He leaned down to talk into her ear. “But no secrets. You tell me what you need. We do this together.”

Brian thought if they crashed and burned, at least he wouldn’t regret it. He’d know he tried.

The song faded into another. New Order. He didn’t let go, four minutes be damned. “I promise I’ll slow down on the L word,” he said over the music, trying to make a joke at himself. His stomach surged and flopped. “That’s all I’m slowing down, though.” His hand pulled her up, easing Valerie’s heels an inch off the floor. Because he needed her. He had woken up too many nights with visions of that rooftop dancing in his head like fucking sugar plums.

[valerie_vause]

The sound of his voice brought Valerie back, and she broke away from his arm with a chaste kiss to the skin she’d just adorned with attention. Green eyes searched his gaze for a good few seconds, checking, making sure that what he said he truly meant. She’d been honest that day, confused considerably about a lot, but honest with him that he was the only man she wanted. The only one that made her feel like running off into the sunset with him even though she knew deep down that she couldn’t. The chance to be something together, the potential to be bound by vows and simple circles of metal. The car, the kids, the house. If she shut her eyes she could picture it, like a mirage on the horizon, promising what her destiny couldn’t possibly fulfill.

Yes, it conflicted with other desires, but they were fleeting and he was a constant. They were the equivalent of dining at a new restaurant with a questionable menu while he was the five star chef constantly offering her palate refreshing surprises. She could live without one of them, just not him. It terrified her to know she’d run off with Brian if he asked, but she was young and he made her feel alive. He made the impossible feel possible, and maybe it made her a little emotionally erratic and overwhelmed but wasn’t that the point? Didn’t love make you crazy? And wasn’t she, even just a little bit, just that? Emotions may never make much sense to the blonde but her instinct had never let her down.

Instinct compelled her to listen to his words as if he were on his death bed. She absorbed them with an almost sobering clarity and nodded in return. Valerie couldn’t promise forever's. She couldn’t promise that she wouldn’t panic. That her emotions might fluctuate and she’d flounder, but she could promise him honesty. “No secrets.” She repeated with determination. “I can do that. We can do that.” Because if he was willing to accept her, all of her, dark and light, serious and flaky, then he deserved nothing less. “I’m not always going to know what I need, but I will always be honest with you. No hiding, not from you.” And she meant it with every fiber of her being.

Valerie felt her heart swell as her insides threatened to turn to mush. The L word had caused immense panic, and it probably would again, but the fact that Brian made an effort to tone it down only made her feel more for him. Strange as it might sound the blonde only feared it because it was like a reflection, and she wasn’t ready to embrace it, because to embrace it would be to ultimately deny the fantasy of what they could be when she had to settle for what they weren’t. The fuzzy warm feelings shifted to a more moderate blaze with his next words, and the way he pulled her up onto her tiptoes left her feeling as light as a feather.

Whether it was inappropriate or not for a dance-floor, Valerie bounced on her toes and shifted her hands up to his shoulders to wrap her legs around his waist. Everyone else be damned, she wanted to be face to face with him, feel his breath mingle with hers as she looked into his eyes. “Is that so?” She asked over the music, lips just shy of grazing his as her hips shifted slightly against him so that she could cross her ankles. The tips of her fingers wove into the short hairs at the base of his neck and she scratched her nails lightly against the skin.

[brian_campo]

A grunt escaped him as she climbed on, a sound that had nothing to do with her weight. Brian really didn’t care who stared. His hands were all over her. “I’d say it’s a promise but it’s more like fair warning,” he said, having to shout over the noise of the crowd when the disc jockey remixed the song. It was too dark in the club to see the color of her eyes, but he was close enough to see the patterns of her irises.

“I want to kiss you really bad.” Brian shook his head. “So I’m going to.” He leaned in and captured her mouth, and his hands squeezed her tighter. The taste of her made his mouth water and he found himself leaning back so that her weight was pressing down on him. He hadn’t quite processed yet that this was happening; maybe it was the jack and coke mellowing him out, or the sneaking suspicion he was asleep and dreaming all this up, but he wanted that weight. It felt incredible. It made it real.

For the first time in forever, he felt right with the world. Someone jostled them and he took a step to the side, but he didn’t lose his grip on her. They were the one motionless part of a very crowded and fluid room, standing as still as a sentry.