Any Other Way

[valerie_vause]

After leaving the bathroom to see that Madeleine had already gone Valerie let out a sigh and left too. It wasn’t until she’d walked three blocks that she realised her feet were instinctively taking her to Brian’s place. The conversation should have happened with him first, but the brunette had asked the questions and she hadn’t been prepared to lie. They were choices both of them had made. Though she wasn’t ashamed of how she felt she understood the importance of sharing it. Not doing so would feel like a lie in and of itself. Whatever Brian thought of her, she hoped it would never be as a liar.

It wasn’t until she reached to knock on his door that she realised her hands were shaking. Societies views were as much a cage to her free will as the Council was to her life. The idea would be more than frowned upon despite the radical changes that had occurred over the past decade and truth be told she was afraid. Afraid of the way he’d look at her like she’d turned into some sort of monster. Afraid that being honest would ruin everything. That she’d lose him before actually having him. Properly having him but then, she feared his intensity too. How could she live up to his expectations? She wasn’t perfect, she wished she was, sometimes, for him. Normal just wasn’t a word that would ever be used to describe her, in any sense of her life.

Valerie knocked on the door before the urge to contemplate how much money she had in the bank sent her fleeing to another country to escape the situation. She didn’t want to hurt him. She wanted more than anything to protect him, but she had to be honest. He deserved that.

Comments

[brian_campo]

“Hang on a sec.”

Brian had a pencil between his teeth. He was sitting on a stool at the bar doing math. He needed to figure out how much money he could squirrel away this month. He kept an old Maxwell House coffee can behind the vegetables in his cabinet and in it, his savings for extravagances like tattoos, things that could only be bought after he paid the electric and water bills. As much as he liked ink, he didn’t like it better than flushing the toilet.

Brian was good to answer the knock. He'd been up and dressed for hours, his hair straight and slicked back in a way that looked much more responsible than usual. He tossed the no. 2 pencil on his notebook and unchained the door.

“Hey.” He was surprised. “Wasn’t expecting you. Come in.” He crooked his finger and let her cross the threshold. The apartment was in decent order: a pair of stray socks on the floor, papers strewn about the coffee table, but that was it. On the television a cartoon character smacked another with a frying pan. The air smelled vaguely of bacon from a BLT he fixed for lunch. “You want something to drink? I’ve got Pepsi and… there’s just Pepsi actually, and tap water.”

[valerie_vause]

Valerie stood there for a second as he walked off. His words were like a slap in the face and it took a moment for the impact to really explode. Then a surge went through her and she followed him to his bedroom.

“I came here to be honest about what I thought I wanted, which was options. I mentioned the compromise to show you I wasn’t trying to exclude you. I discovered that I didn’t actually want them especially not at your expense. I try to convey how I feel and you throw it in my face that I’m clinging to you like some sort of life raft! Because how could I possibly have real feelings after having a moment of deep curiosity. Well I’m human! Mostly, and I fuck up! Like everyone else does. I could stand here and say I’m sorry until I turn blue but it wouldn’t make a difference to you because.... ”

The blonde wasn’t one for swearing. She wasn’t one for all out arguments either but things changed. Love was a disease, it rotted the mind, it took over common sense.

“Because you actually think that because I had an urge that it… It undermines everything I feel for you. Which is bullshit! I wouldn’t have shed a single tear over the fact that my own stupid fucking thoughts hurt you. You think I wanted to have that feeling? Because I didn’t! I’d rather get lobotomised than hurt you! In fact we both know a vampire who gladly would.”

Her hands were clenched, she felt her nails pierce the skin but she couldn’t move. She just stood there, shaking.

“Yes it occurred to me that you might need time but you passed it off like I needed it and it felt like... Like that was your polite way of dumping me then saying hey lets be friends! News flash Brian, your needs matter to me. Am I great at picking up on them? Probably not, but you stand there and accuse me of not caring about you like I’m some sort of heartless bitch that only cares about herself. Well screw your passive aggressive hostility! I have a heart! And it’s real and it’s big and it’s stupid because it has your name written all over it!”