Back in the Game?

[st_clare]

Julianna had sent her letter to Edmund special post so he could respond as soon as possible, and he'd actually called her right away when he'd gotten the information she'd asked for. She'd added the relevant details to her personal notes out of habit. Even if no one else could read her writing, she knew what she'd written.

The fact that she had Valerie's daily schedule meant she'd had the option of meeting her after one of her classes. She could have even arranged for the girl to speak to her in her office. But she hadn't wanted to make it seem like an order or a command. To arrange an accident might have made the Slayer suspect her motives. When she didn't even know what her motives might be, it was best to leave things to chance.

The Watcher was currently seated at a table by herself in the student union, half of her attention on the daily paper. Emotionally, she felt as shaky and coltish as she had the day she first went away to university. Hope intermingled with terror as she finished one page of the newspaper and started on another. She didn't know if she was prepared for this. What if the girl wasn't interested in what she had to say?

Then again, this was a chance to correct what she still saw as her error. To fix her mistakes. If Valerie didn't respond positively, she would have at least made the effort. That was all she could truly do.

Comments

[valerie_vause]

It was a little odd, though not unpleasant, being filled in on some personal details of Julianna’s life as a Watcher. Valerie wasn’t entirely sure what to say, so she listened instead and sipped at her drink. The rest of her lunch could wait, for it felt disrespectful to continue eating when discussing a girls death. Though, it did make her wonder what this had to do with her. The personal aspect she had assumed had been about herself.

The question was on the tip of her tongue but before she could part her lips Julianna held her hand up. Valerie chewed the inside of her lip, then blinked, startled at the woman’s next words. “I replaced her?” She had to be sure that’s what she’d been told. “I…”

Wow. Okay. The cogs in her head worked double time as she tried to comprehend that. She’d always wondered who had perished for her to be called, yet never in a million years would have expected to know her name. Let alone be sitting at a table with somebody who had known her. Valerie didn’t know how to feel in that moment. Sad, certainly, for Allison who no longer belonged to the living. Conflicted a little due to the undeniable resemblance to a twisted game of supernatural whack-a-mole that was the chosen ones. When the time came, if her life didn’t flash before her eyes, would that be her last thought? Who will instantly replace me? Would she blame her for dying and turning her life upside down?

“I don’t want to hit you with an avalanche of questions but…” Valerie looked over to Julianna, tilted her head and offered a slight, albeit cringed, smile. “What was she like? How did she… Do they know what happened? What age did she reach?” To others it could appear morbidly curious but for the blonde it held nothing morbid about it. So it wasn’t an ordinary everyday normal family tree but it was one, of sorts. Descendants of a calling, supernatural lineage that awoke with death. “I wonder sometimes why we need to die to pass the torch on, why couldn’t it be like a baton race, when you reach a certain age you hand it to the next girl.”

[st_clare]

"She was..."

It had been so long since she'd deliberately remembered that for a moment Julianna was unable to summon the necessary words. Her recollections when they came were bittersweet. "She was like you, actually, or at least what I know of you. She was exceptionally bright and her studies were important to her. I started to lend her books from my personal library because I believed she could grasp the material and the ideas behind it."

She was no longer hungry for the rest of her sandwich, so she wrapped it up in the napkin and pushed it aside. "She'd never been chosen first for athletics in her life until her calling. It took weeks to convince her that I couldn't truly hurt her in our sparring sessions and not to flinch away. I had to curb my impatience countless times. Once she understood that her powers gave her grace, it grew easier."

Around them, students came and went. Someone sat down at the out of tune piano and plinked at the keys. The Watcher looked to see if it was Brian, but it wasn't. Her elbows came to rest on the tabletop, allowing her unadorned hands to prop her chin on them. "She had just turned fifteen when she found out she was a Slayer, just out of girlhood. The first day I met her, her face was all eyes. Green eyes, like a cat. She was certainly as skittish as any feline I ever knew, at least at first."

Julianna's expression darkened a bit, and she met Valerie's gaze without self-pity. "She was afraid. Of London, of the training program, of me. Especially of me. Some loose-lipped bugger told her I was an old dragon of a woman and that if she didn't live up to expectations she'd regret it. Seven years later, and I've never found out who it was."

She laughed shortly when she said it, then shook her head. "I am not a warm person, Ms. Vause, at least not in the field. But something in Allison touched me, and so I reached out to her. She was a child, like so many other children who have come and gone during my career. When she died, she was only eighteen. Her death destroyed my confidence that I could do the job. I didn't even want to come here, not at first. I'd like...I'd like to have resolve again."

[valerie_vause]

Similarities aside, of which there were a few, they held remarkable differences. Valerie had always liked sports, took to training like a duck to water and perhaps most of all had survived past eighteen. Allison had only been chosen for three years before she was wiped from the earth. How could that be right? How could anyone properly justify a girl losing her life so young, regardless of the cause? To say that it was just the way things were felt wrong. Whatever life a Watcher had as member of the council, at least they had one. Far longer than any of the girls trained and set loose.

On some level, despite the sadness that clouded her thoughts, Valerie liked that they had common ground. Books, learning, thinking… If she could have met Allison, perhaps they would have gotten along. Then again, she’d be seven and that would be awkward but if the timeline hadn’t fallen the way it did, if the girl had survived, if Valerie had been called by another's demise… In another life, they could have been friends.

“None of the Watchers I met were warm.” Valerie shrugged lightly. They were the cogs that kept the machine running. People who owned pet stores didn’t get attached to the animals they kept caged, it was bad for business. However it was the word resolve that had Valerie glance up at Julianna somewhat curiously. Whether she was right or not, Valerie felt like that had something to do with her, otherwise why would the woman share any of this information freely? It certainly humanised her, a glimpse into the pain that touched her life, left it’s mark on her the way relationships often did.

Empathy wasn’t something that could be taught. You either felt it or you didn’t. Right then witnessing the emotions play over Julianna, you’d have to be heartless not to feel anything. Valerie might not spend a large amount of time with people so much as being around them but she knew how to comfort. One hand reached out to lightly clasp around the Watcher’s and she gave a gentle reassuring squeeze before taking her hand back.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Valerie said softly, then pushed a few chips around on the cellophane awkwardly for a second while she gathered her thoughts. “I appreciate you telling me this, I can see it isn’t easy. I will say that it’s nice to know that even though distance is usually kept, that there are those who actually mourn for us when we’re gone.” Valerie studied Julianna’s face as she spoke, eyebrows drawn together slightly as she added, “I’m not sure what I can do and please correct me if I’m wrong but… It feels like you want…” Shoulders lifted then as the blonde struggled to place the exact feeling. “I’m not sure, but something, to do with me?”

[st_clare]

The hand on hers offered the comfort that was intended, no matter how fleeting, and Julianna offered Valerie a faint smile. She toyed with her water bottle while she looked for her next words. This would be the most difficult part.

"I should have been your Watcher, or at least part of the team that provided your training," she began. "At the time, I knew that it was best to take a step back and allow others to do the work, but I still felt the loss of the opportunity. This isn't just a career for me, it's a calling all its own. I followed in my mother's footsteps, just as she followed her mother in hers. The day I accepted my first assignment as a Watcher was the only time I ever saw Mother weep."

The Englishwoman fell silent, rested her chin in one hand. She'd never put much stock in the things she'd been supposed to want; a husband, babies, growing old and fat with grandchildren gathered around her. Despite Mother's grooming for her to eventually marry, she'd developed an independent streak, and she'd soaked up the chances for education and travel as if she'd die if she didn't. But even with Allison seven years buried, that one event haunted her as if it had happened yesterday. If she was ever to overcome it, she'd have to force herself out there again.

"Perhaps we can assist each other," she said. "I know that you're long done with your training, and I would never presume to correct another Watcher's methods after the fact. But there are ways that my abilities could be of use to you. Providing advice about difficult opponents. Book knowledge. Even the occasional bit of magical protection. If you'd be willing, that is."

Her water bottle was nearly empty. She drank some more of the contents, put the cap back on. "I should tell you, I'm relieved that you're Allison's replacement. There was another candidate, and while I'm sure she's quite adept, our personalities don't mesh. One dragon at the time is quite enough."

[valerie_vause]

As far as interesting statements went, Julianna’s had certainly caught her attention. Valerie’s gaze became a little more intent as she played it over in her mind. Would she be different had the woman been part of her training? Learned something new, undoubtedly. In all the time she’d spent around other Watcher’s, she’d never once seen one so openly vulnerable. So human. As Julianna was right then. Perhaps it was the frank honesty that caused the slight smile to form on the blonde’s lips. A sense of respect growing due to the elder’s straight-to-the-point attitude that she herself often used. Refreshing, really.

“I had no idea that the Watcher’s had a legacy but it actually makes more sense.” Green eyes blinked thoughtfully at Julianna before Valerie added, “I guess you were born into destiny. Fate’s, well, she’s kinda funky like that.” Either that or she was twisted. Cosmic cruelty at it’s strangest.

Valerie plucked a few chips up to crunch on as she listened. Elbows lifted to rest on the table as the blonde leaned in, voice low. “My training might be over but I see no reason why we can’t. I mean I like to stay sharp with, well, skills and knowledge is by far one of the most important. Without it being a-” Valerie’s tongue refused to form the word. “A uhm, chosen one wouldn’t do much except overall physical damage but there are tricky things out there that only cease to be when you use something specific.”

She shook her head with a bit of a cringe and chuckled. “You know what I mean. I’d be happy to work with you. Oh, speaking of books did you…” Valerie trailed off, looked around subtly to make sure people weren’t paying them any attention, then continued. “Were you able to find anything on The Old One’s?” Hunger could only be kept at bay so long, so it was with an apologetic smile that Valerie picked up the other half of her sandwich and took a bite. Though she chewed and swallowed before daring to speak, she might spend the majority of her life fighting like a beast but she was raised with manners.

“Thank you.” The blonde said, because it felt like there was a compliment in there somewhere, that they meshed personality wise perhaps. Before taking another bite, Valerie tilted her head to the side and looked out the window. “There’s actually something that’s been bothering me. Well not bothering, I’m not being tormented or anything but a couple of weeks ago…”

Valerie sat up straight, crossed her ankles under the table and cleared her throat. When she spoke her eyes were on the bag of chips, neutral territory. “Okay one night on my way home from scouting out a new area I decided to take a shortcut through a park. Clear night, no vampire action, and I met this… This girl. She looked my age, but had an accent like yours, English. Brunette, very friendly, said I could call her Beth, so we…” Valerie frowned at the chips, embarrassment uncoiling within her stomach to spread out, colour her words. “We talked for a bit, then we walked together and she, we… Held hands and it felt… It felt so natural, like we’d known each other our entire life but there was lightening and she started asking questions and I realised she wasn’t a girl at all.”

Fingers captured a stray chip to occupy herself with as she cleared her throat. “Beth wasn’t her name, she wouldn’t give it, said if I wanted to talk to her that I should pray and think of her. I don’t know, at first I thought a demon, but now I don’t think she was. Deathly pale, quite…” Valerie huffed out a breath and accidently crushed the chip. “Not to sound weird but she was, well, beautiful, in the most haunting way. Dressed in a gown of pitch black. Talked in circles though, mind games. I think I upset her when I asked her to get to the point because she had things… Invisible things, hold me in place. She did this thing, where she touched the air and I…”

Valerie chewed the inside of her lip then blurted, “I felt it, like she’d ran her finger down my skin felt it. She knew what I was and offered to show me how to connect with my, with the demon essence but I didn’t accept and have no clue who or what she is.”

[st_clare]

The tension went out of Julianna's shoulders, which slumped with a relief that was almost palpable. Good, the first hurdle had been leapt, the girl was amenable to working together. The concept of resolve was still distant, but every journey had to have a starting point.

"I was able to blow some of the cobwebs away and find what you inquired about," she told Valerie, acknowledging the blonde's apologetic smile with an incline of her head. "As I told you before, the Old Ones were pureblood demons. They once occupied this dimension, long before man walked the earth, and they warred among themselves constantly. The Council archives don't contain their whole history, but eventually they were exiled to an unknown location called the Deeper Well. They slumber there, existing in limbo where they can't cause any more damage. There's a guardian standing vigil and mystical wards in place to keep them from waking up and escaping."

Flexing her mental muscles was a different kind of relief, and the Watcher smiled a bit at the end of her recitation. Some of her appetite returned now that the most taxing thing had been agreed upon, and so she unwrapped her pastrami sandwich and took a careful bite after offering a sheepish smile of her own. She chewed carefully while Valerie talked, a frown causing her eyebrows to slowly draw together.

"I know that there are...entities...who try to tap into the essence of the Slayer," she said once she washed the bite down with some water. "When you intermingle demon powers with a human body, it can attract the attention of powerful forces. If this being spoke to you, behaved in a familiar manner, there's a strong likelihood that she was an agent of someone or something else. Not an underling, per se. Catalyst might be a better word for it."

She reached for her messenger bag, which she'd slung over the unoccupied chair, pulled out a small notepad and a ballpoint pen. There was the scratch of the pen on paper as she wrote, making her usual shorthand as she jotted down important details. She would have to consult her books when she got home tonight. There was something involved here, something more intricate than a simple visitation.

"You seem intact physically, but there are other ways to be hurt. Psychic injury can be just as debilitating as being struck with a fist or a weapon. If the body needs healing, you can go to hospital. If the mind gets damaged by a demonic entity, it requires a shaman or some other mystic to repair the injury."

The pastrami had gotten cold while they talked, but even room temperature food could be filling. Julianna emptied the first bottle of water, pulled a second one from her bag. "If you have other concerns, I wouldn't mind hearing about them as they arise. I know this isn't the traditional arrangement, but I'd like to be truly useful again. If I'm to rebuild my confidence, starting with you is a good point of origin."

It felt good - liberating - to be so open. There would never be another Allison, but that didn't mean she couldn't re-discover her purpose. Julianna wiped the corner of her mouth.

"Also? I'd like it if you'd call me Julianna. May I call you Valerie?"

[valerie_vause]

Valerie cocked her head to the side then grabbed over her own notebook. “The Deeper Well.” She mused quietly while her fingers located a pen to write it down on the back page out of sight. Could that be where Sabra came from, or belonged? The chances of ever getting the real Sabra returned to her body were so low that it would be like trying to explore all of space. Not in the blonde’s lifetime, not ever. That didn’t explain who did it in the first place. Until she had answers herself she wasn’t going to mention her. That would be self destructive, and would certainly tarnish the trust that had been steadily forming between herself and the demoness. There was no way to tell right now what the Council would do with her, either way, she wasn’t about to hand her over.

“That’s great.” She said, and truly meant it. “I’d never even heard of the Deeper Well before. It was just strange to hear the name Maloker outside of, well, training.” Valerie made a face, more at herself than anything else and ate the rest of her sandwich as Julianna talked. A quick sip of soda cleared her palate and she scratched the side of her jaw a bit sheepishly. An agent sounded about right. Certainly had the presence for it, whoever Beth really was she was damn clever. Why did that make the blonde grin so very slightly? She shook her head to focus and returned her attention to Julianna.

“I don’t think she attacked me psychically but when she revealed her true form, when she spoke, it drifted in and out of my mind as if she were speaking directly from within my skull. What I don’t understand is why approach me in a human disguise? She knew my full name, what I was, so why the dance? Oh wait, mind games.”

Valerie picked up a few chips and crunched them quietly. Fingers tapped the pen against her notebook lightly as she considered what to say. It had to be worded right or she’d sound deranged. “The essence reacted to her.” The blonde paused, looked towards the elder, then up at the ceiling with a sigh. “I could feel it inside me, calling for her. Reaching like a child for it’s mother. Or maybe a kindred spirit. It wanted.”

Though what it wanted she still wasn’t sure. To be closer, to be engulfed, to be free? Valerie had spent countless hours trying not to think about it only to wind up doing exactly that. “Oh, she gave me a smooth, impossibly black stone, I think it’s a way to pray to her. Which I haven’t, because I’d rather know who I’m dealing with than get wrapped up in forces beyond my comprehension. Call it survival instinct.” She laughed, the sound breezy and light as if they were discussing movies and not ambiguous dangers.

The rest of the chips were soon crunched away, finished off with a sip of soda, as she considered eating the apple. Given how strange the circumstances were it was nice that things were going rather well. Valerie didn’t want conflict, if they could work together like this then she had no problem with talking to the woman. Though she did grin slightly as she nodded, “Sure that works for me, Julianna.” Less formal, absolutely, but it took the edge off the chain of command so that it wasn’t so glaringly in her face.

“That goes both ways, if you hear something I’d like to be kept in the loop if that’s alright?I mean a heads up never hurts, right? If a big bad shows up I’d rather be prepared to run into it than oblivious to its existence.”

Which seemed fair, although would this be solely a swapping of work related information or would other things make it into the equation? Valerie would just have to wait and see.

[st_clare]

"Of course. It's important to stay informed, since that might affect your patrol route or fighting technique. Las Vegas might not be a metropolis along the lines of New York, but there are plenty of shadows for dangers to hide."

If she asked to see the stone this 'Beth' had given Valerie, would the Slayer allow her to do so? The seed of trust was freshly planted, but it had yet to be cultivated. Whether it would grow roses or crabgrass was yet to be determined. How much care should she proceed with?

"I'd like to see it. The stone," she said after an internal debate. If she was to form any kind of connection with the blonde, she must be forthright. "For research purposes. Perhaps there's a particular use for it other than contacting this entity, and that might help discover who she is. Or at least what she represents."

She was feeling more competent already, and whether that was because she'd been honest about her past or because she was hoping to forge something new was up for discussion. "I'm looking forward to this, Valerie," she said frankly. If they were going to be informal, she could become accustomed to that. "Everyone brings something different to the table when it comes to these things. I've been with the Council for so long that I have lots of experience to share. It'll be good to spread my wings again."

This had been a very emotional conversation for her, but she'd gradually become comfortable with it, and with what it represented in the larger. The first and only time she'd formed a bond with a pupil, she'd done it by accident. This was going to be deliberate, at least if it worked.

"Did I give you my number when we last spoke?" she asked. "I was so uncertain over the check-in that I was more concerned about crossing the t's and dotting the i's. If you'd like, I can give it to you now in case you need it for later."