An Unsent Letter
Oct. 17th, 2013 10:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolfs_daughter in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
birthright_rpgHolly,
When I was in my junior year of high school, we got this assignment in English class to keep a journal for a month. We were supposed to write down our thoughts and feelings, as if we were writing letters to someone, someone we knew well. A parent, or a close friend. I was even more inarticulate then, but I was really good at writing stuff down. I got an A on the assignment.
I really did try to have an open mind. Whatever you think, whatever he thinks, I looked him in the eye and was the first to offer a handshake. I know what it feels like to be judged before someone gets to know me, and I tried to put aside whatever natural prejudice I felt and the things Papa told me. I failed, but I tried.
I'm getting away from what I want to say. Journaling is supposed to be cathartic, saying things on paper you'd never dare say out loud. It's about feelings, not thoughts. I don't feel very clinical right now.
The truth is, I'm furious with you.
I don't care about Daniel. What he said, the words he used, his tone when he said it. You can expect a vampire to be mean and insulting, because they're pretty much big bullies. You probably see him differently. I'm sure he's nice to you.
But you stood there and you listened to him, and you had the nerve to criticize my behavior as if I'd done something wrong. You let him make fun of me. And then you wonder why I might not like him?
The worst part is, this is my fault. I thought you were different. I told you things and you didn't laugh. I showed you the Wolf and you didn't run away. I guess you fooled me, because you're just like all those cruel people I went to high school with, the ones that made my life hell because I was nervous and awkward and weird. And that touches off just about every hot-button issue I've got. So I'm angry at you, but I blame myself.
I'll never send you this letter. I'm going to burn it when I'm through writing it. Fire is supposed to be cleansing. You can stay in your little plastic bubble with Daniel, since that seems to be what you want. I won't stop you. We were never really friends to begin with.
Goodbye
Echo Nicole Bishop
When I was in my junior year of high school, we got this assignment in English class to keep a journal for a month. We were supposed to write down our thoughts and feelings, as if we were writing letters to someone, someone we knew well. A parent, or a close friend. I was even more inarticulate then, but I was really good at writing stuff down. I got an A on the assignment.
I really did try to have an open mind. Whatever you think, whatever he thinks, I looked him in the eye and was the first to offer a handshake. I know what it feels like to be judged before someone gets to know me, and I tried to put aside whatever natural prejudice I felt and the things Papa told me. I failed, but I tried.
I'm getting away from what I want to say. Journaling is supposed to be cathartic, saying things on paper you'd never dare say out loud. It's about feelings, not thoughts. I don't feel very clinical right now.
The truth is, I'm furious with you.
I don't care about Daniel. What he said, the words he used, his tone when he said it. You can expect a vampire to be mean and insulting, because they're pretty much big bullies. You probably see him differently. I'm sure he's nice to you.
But you stood there and you listened to him, and you had the nerve to criticize my behavior as if I'd done something wrong. You let him make fun of me. And then you wonder why I might not like him?
The worst part is, this is my fault. I thought you were different. I told you things and you didn't laugh. I showed you the Wolf and you didn't run away. I guess you fooled me, because you're just like all those cruel people I went to high school with, the ones that made my life hell because I was nervous and awkward and weird. And that touches off just about every hot-button issue I've got. So I'm angry at you, but I blame myself.
I'll never send you this letter. I'm going to burn it when I'm through writing it. Fire is supposed to be cleansing. You can stay in your little plastic bubble with Daniel, since that seems to be what you want. I won't stop you. We were never really friends to begin with.
Goodbye
Echo Nicole Bishop