It went beyond the acceptance of the tissues. Even the slight distance the woman gave her was appreciated, seen for what it was. The chance to pull herself together without adding the worry of humiliating herself further into the mix. Subtle, yet powerful. Valerie doubted there were many Watcher’s out there like the woman and for a moment it struck her how better off they would all probably be if there were. Small things said or done at the right time had the potential to shape things in such a larger way. Like watering an acorn. She wiped her face and blew her nose before handing the box back with a tentative smile as she listened.
“Maybe we should.” The blonde replied softly, careful not make light of the death of a girl. A girl whose very death had brought about her own calling. For a second she fell silent, mourning someone she didn’t know and would never have had the opportunity to meet, despite their fates being linked. “I believe in the work we do. Very much, but trying to fit in… Out there?” She waved a hand dismissively towards the empty street. “I tried and failed spectacularly. Maybe it’s just me, I don’t really think I belong, you know, to mingle and have people in my life. I don’t really understand how to function emotionally in that sort of environment after years of being apart from it. Not really equipped to deal with feelings but point me in the direction of demons and carnage and I’m like a duck to water.”
Valerie glanced at Julianna and pressed her lips together before looking off into the night. Perhaps shock at the elders words evoked the sudden scoff but she reddened and cleared her throat, desperate to explain. “Nothing you said was funny and you aren’t arrogant for reaching out, I’m actually quite grateful that you did. More than I think I imagined I ever would be.” The blonde actually smiled, small but genuine. “But the idea that I could be capable of anything wonderful is, I don’t know, over my head I guess. Not amusing just… Odd.”
Julianna’s next words were hard to swallow because of the truth they held. They weighed down on her until they eventually sunk in and the blonde gave them a moment to resonate within her. “I’d buried it, somewhere inside me where I couldn’t touch it. Where it couldn’t touch me. Calling my father had been a mistake, a foible, but that’s natural, reaching for a parent in a moment of pain. It dragged it all back to the surface.”
Now she found herself reaching out, clasping her hand around Julianna’s upper arm to give a gentle squeeze. Hopefully it granted some comfort, it had been the intention, because the woman didn’t have to share those things with her and now that she had Valerie wanted to mitigate the pain caused. She attempted to meet the woman’s gaze as she breathed softly.
“Forgiveness is easier when it’s directed towards other people. Maybe we should both try to learn to forgive ourselves, because while the past can’t be changed it shapes us, but maybe we don’t need to let it dominate us too.”
The smile she gave was tentative as she took her hand back. She knew it was easier said than done.
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2013-12-30 12:47 am (UTC)It went beyond the acceptance of the tissues. Even the slight distance the woman gave her was appreciated, seen for what it was. The chance to pull herself together without adding the worry of humiliating herself further into the mix. Subtle, yet powerful. Valerie doubted there were many Watcher’s out there like the woman and for a moment it struck her how better off they would all probably be if there were. Small things said or done at the right time had the potential to shape things in such a larger way. Like watering an acorn. She wiped her face and blew her nose before handing the box back with a tentative smile as she listened.
“Maybe we should.” The blonde replied softly, careful not make light of the death of a girl. A girl whose very death had brought about her own calling. For a second she fell silent, mourning someone she didn’t know and would never have had the opportunity to meet, despite their fates being linked. “I believe in the work we do. Very much, but trying to fit in… Out there?” She waved a hand dismissively towards the empty street. “I tried and failed spectacularly. Maybe it’s just me, I don’t really think I belong, you know, to mingle and have people in my life. I don’t really understand how to function emotionally in that sort of environment after years of being apart from it. Not really equipped to deal with feelings but point me in the direction of demons and carnage and I’m like a duck to water.”
Valerie glanced at Julianna and pressed her lips together before looking off into the night. Perhaps shock at the elders words evoked the sudden scoff but she reddened and cleared her throat, desperate to explain. “Nothing you said was funny and you aren’t arrogant for reaching out, I’m actually quite grateful that you did. More than I think I imagined I ever would be.” The blonde actually smiled, small but genuine. “But the idea that I could be capable of anything wonderful is, I don’t know, over my head I guess. Not amusing just… Odd.”
Julianna’s next words were hard to swallow because of the truth they held. They weighed down on her until they eventually sunk in and the blonde gave them a moment to resonate within her. “I’d buried it, somewhere inside me where I couldn’t touch it. Where it couldn’t touch me. Calling my father had been a mistake, a foible, but that’s natural, reaching for a parent in a moment of pain. It dragged it all back to the surface.”
Now she found herself reaching out, clasping her hand around Julianna’s upper arm to give a gentle squeeze. Hopefully it granted some comfort, it had been the intention, because the woman didn’t have to share those things with her and now that she had Valerie wanted to mitigate the pain caused. She attempted to meet the woman’s gaze as she breathed softly.
“Forgiveness is easier when it’s directed towards other people. Maybe we should both try to learn to forgive ourselves, because while the past can’t be changed it shapes us, but maybe we don’t need to let it dominate us too.”
The smile she gave was tentative as she took her hand back. She knew it was easier said than done.