"Shush. You've done nothing that warrants an apology. I'm not going to tell on you."
Julianna didn't have a tissue in her pocket, so she leaned into the car and found a box of Kleenex in the glove compartment. She handed the cardboard container to Valerie without quite making eye contact, giving the blonde time to compose herself. Across the street, a street lamp feebly flickered on and off. The neighborhood no longer worried the Watcher.
"For so long, I believed that Slayers should be separate," she said, still studying the struggling glow of the lamp post. "Different, apart from the rest of the world. I knew that girls died, and I came to terms with it because in the field anything can happen. Then Allison died, and now I don't know what I believe. It's good, necessary work the Council does. Vital work. But I don't know if I can reconcile the cost now."
Even as she said it, she was terrified. She considered being a Watcher not just a career but a calling, the purpose she was meant to serve. She had other things in her life, of course, things she enjoyed, but serving the Council was different. Julianna looked at Valerie out of the corner of her eye.
"It's probably terribly arrogant of me, but I reached out to you because I believe I can still be good for something. And I see the good in you, the wonderful things you're capable of. Even without Slaying."
She was looking away again, studying the dilapidated buildings around them. She knew how it felt to feel responsible for something terrible, even when it wasn't logical. Emotions were cruel beasts.
"Put your mother to rest, Valerie. Don't be like me, clinging to the past because you don't know if you can function without the guilt. Forgive yourself."
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2013-12-29 11:00 pm (UTC)Julianna didn't have a tissue in her pocket, so she leaned into the car and found a box of Kleenex in the glove compartment. She handed the cardboard container to Valerie without quite making eye contact, giving the blonde time to compose herself. Across the street, a street lamp feebly flickered on and off. The neighborhood no longer worried the Watcher.
"For so long, I believed that Slayers should be separate," she said, still studying the struggling glow of the lamp post. "Different, apart from the rest of the world. I knew that girls died, and I came to terms with it because in the field anything can happen. Then Allison died, and now I don't know what I believe. It's good, necessary work the Council does. Vital work. But I don't know if I can reconcile the cost now."
Even as she said it, she was terrified. She considered being a Watcher not just a career but a calling, the purpose she was meant to serve. She had other things in her life, of course, things she enjoyed, but serving the Council was different. Julianna looked at Valerie out of the corner of her eye.
"It's probably terribly arrogant of me, but I reached out to you because I believe I can still be good for something. And I see the good in you, the wonderful things you're capable of. Even without Slaying."
She was looking away again, studying the dilapidated buildings around them. She knew how it felt to feel responsible for something terrible, even when it wasn't logical. Emotions were cruel beasts.
"Put your mother to rest, Valerie. Don't be like me, clinging to the past because you don't know if you can function without the guilt. Forgive yourself."