The cleaning process did sting, and when it began to get wrapped up, it burned. Sensations that, in truth, mitigated some of the things she felt to more manageable levels and she let out a shaky breath. “Thank you.” Valerie whispered, head once again bowed as she watched everything Julianna did. Sometimes she missed something, her mind would wander, but she’d blink and it would all come into focus again.
“I buried her gift under a tree in a park. I’d have prefered if it was her, this is all on me.” Teeth worried the inside of her lip and she looked away, her posture seemed to worsen, as if she’d deflated further and was gradually sinking to the ground millimeter by millimeter. “Have you ever felt something so strongly in a moment that you believed was so true then later when you try to tell someone else you realise you might be wrong, but by then it’s too late? I’m not very good at navigating emotions.”
Her free hand raised to rub at her eye, irritating it more than anything else as she gazed into the shadows with a slight hitch of breath. “I’m very skilled at hurting the people I care for without intending too.”
Then she fell silent again, her mind drifted between what happened a few hours ago, and what happened a few years ago. Each painful, but one utterly catastrophic. “I told him I thought I might want to see a girl too, but when I said it I didn’t feel it the way I had earlier, so I suggested something foolish that I thought was what all men liked. I was way off with that so he thinks I’m a contradiction, and we had words because he suggested we slow down, be friends, I took it that he was breaking up with me and got defensive, I said I couldn’t just be around him as a friend, he got defensive, more word bombs were exchanged, and he broke it off. I can respect that.”
The blonde swallowed thickly, frowned down at her feet, and felt the tell tale sting of salt water as it began to blur her vision. “Then I tried calling my dad because… And he still after two years… He still hates me for what happened but I tried so hard and failed and it’s… It’s my duty to slay. She wasn’t…” She fought the ache, the build up, but couldn’t stop the lump in her throat. “She wasn’t her anymore…”
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2013-12-28 08:56 am (UTC)“I buried her gift under a tree in a park. I’d have prefered if it was her, this is all on me.” Teeth worried the inside of her lip and she looked away, her posture seemed to worsen, as if she’d deflated further and was gradually sinking to the ground millimeter by millimeter. “Have you ever felt something so strongly in a moment that you believed was so true then later when you try to tell someone else you realise you might be wrong, but by then it’s too late? I’m not very good at navigating emotions.”
Her free hand raised to rub at her eye, irritating it more than anything else as she gazed into the shadows with a slight hitch of breath. “I’m very skilled at hurting the people I care for without intending too.”
Then she fell silent again, her mind drifted between what happened a few hours ago, and what happened a few years ago. Each painful, but one utterly catastrophic. “I told him I thought I might want to see a girl too, but when I said it I didn’t feel it the way I had earlier, so I suggested something foolish that I thought was what all men liked. I was way off with that so he thinks I’m a contradiction, and we had words because he suggested we slow down, be friends, I took it that he was breaking up with me and got defensive, I said I couldn’t just be around him as a friend, he got defensive, more word bombs were exchanged, and he broke it off. I can respect that.”
The blonde swallowed thickly, frowned down at her feet, and felt the tell tale sting of salt water as it began to blur her vision. “Then I tried calling my dad because… And he still after two years… He still hates me for what happened but I tried so hard and failed and it’s… It’s my duty to slay. She wasn’t…” She fought the ache, the build up, but couldn’t stop the lump in her throat. “She wasn’t her anymore…”