"She told me she'd been having nightmares, one afternoon while we were going through endurance training. She had worries, or at least concerns. I told her not to dwell on her dreams, that they weren't unusual in the face of such an uncertain future. I didn't want to shake her confidence in herself. It was difficult enough teaching her not to flinch while we were sparring."
Her voice was matter-of-fact when she spoke, but she was avoiding the real question and she knew it. Self-doubt had begun to accompany the guilt in the aftermath of the funeral, and if she doubted herself, perhaps it really was best that she never trained another Slayer. It might have been simply because Allison responded so well to her tutelage, but she'd had the idea that she'd be assigned to more girls after the training period was complete. But she wouldn't be a reliable teacher if she didn't have faith that she could do the job.
"Hoping that you can do something isn't enough, is it?" Julianna asked Cyrus, and she turned to look at him where he sat behind his desk. "Not when it comes to this. It's too important. I'm not accustomed to how it makes me feel. Edmund said..."
Julianna closed her mouth abruptly. Her tea had grown cold, but she drank the last of it anyway. Then she busied herself with pouring another cup. She shouldn't bring that up. What Edmund said while they were alone was private. She could only deal with so many emotions at once.
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ninetydegrees
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on 2013-11-02 09:21 am (UTC)Her voice was matter-of-fact when she spoke, but she was avoiding the real question and she knew it. Self-doubt had begun to accompany the guilt in the aftermath of the funeral, and if she doubted herself, perhaps it really was best that she never trained another Slayer. It might have been simply because Allison responded so well to her tutelage, but she'd had the idea that she'd be assigned to more girls after the training period was complete. But she wouldn't be a reliable teacher if she didn't have faith that she could do the job.
"Hoping that you can do something isn't enough, is it?" Julianna asked Cyrus, and she turned to look at him where he sat behind his desk. "Not when it comes to this. It's too important. I'm not accustomed to how it makes me feel. Edmund said..."
Julianna closed her mouth abruptly. Her tea had grown cold, but she drank the last of it anyway. Then she busied herself with pouring another cup. She shouldn't bring that up. What Edmund said while they were alone was private. She could only deal with so many emotions at once.