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birthright_rpg2014-03-14 05:30 am
st_clare) wrote in birthright_rpg2014-03-14 05:30 am
Troubled Minds
The conversation with Rhiannon must have jarred something loose.
Julianna went to the university after leaving the park, took care of some paperwork in her office before preparing her notes for the next day's class. They'd replaced her secretary with someone new and more competent, so she no longer had to worry about lost or misplaced messages. Sifting through the small squares of paper, she made phone calls by their order of importance, finished cleaning out her 'In' box, then closed up her office and locked it.
A trip to the grocery store later, she cooked dinner in her kitchen, then cleaned up the dishes. Nathan was staying over that night. That was something that was happening with more frequency, for reasons she was unwilling to examine. Sometimes it was best to let things flow as they would.
They slept, eventually. The night outside was mild, a breeze ruffling the sparse trees that grew on the edges of the complex. There was no moon, but there were stars. Another tenant walked across the parking lot, carrying a bag of trash to be tossed into the communal dumpster. Somewhere, an owl hooted.
Just before three a.m., Julianna sat bolt upright in bed, a scream lodged in her throat. Her heart was thundering in her ribcage, and she'd broken out in a cold sweat. The red numbers on the digital clock looked like demonic eyes. The dream was already fragmenting, tattering like clouds being blown away by a strong wind. But she could remember the eyes.
'You don't care about me.' Rhiannon's words in Allison's mouth, spoken clearly despite the mangled throat. Green eyes turning glassy, then dull like stones. They'd stayed half-open.
Beside her, Nathan stirred, then rolled onto his side.
The Watcher got up from the bed and found her robe in the dark. She moved into the living room, turned on a single lamp. The balcony door opened with a muted sound, and she stepped outside. Nothing else was moving, the breeze having stilled, and it made the world seem eerily silent. The sweat made her break out in goosebumps, and she rubbed her arms.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. She'd been saying it in her head for seven years, apologizing over and over to a girl who no longer existed. I thought you were prepared, I truly did. The framed final examination hung on the wall in the living room, a reminder and a burdensome memento. I failed you, and I'm so very sorry.
"Jules?"
Nathan's voice startled her, and she tried to manufacture a smile as she turned. "Did I wake you? I didn't mean to." He knuckled his left eye sleepily, pushed the fingers of his other hand through his already tousled hair. He hadn't bothered to put anything on. Ridiculously, she wondered what the neighbors would say if they saw a naked man loitering on her balcony.
"It's three-fifteen," he mumbled, and she stepped towards the door. "I know. I'm sorry. I was having a nightmare." "I heard," he said, pointing towards the bedroom. "You were saying some stuff, but I couldn't make much of it out. Who's Allison?"
She just stared at him for a minute, and a sensation like vertigo reached for her. Deflect the question. Tell him a lie. He isn't a part of that life. Keep him safe. Guilt battled it out with fear, a healthy dose of shame mixing itself in. She opened her mouth, but no words came. Say something!
"She was a girl I knew." Her voice sounded so normal when she said it that it startled her. "Someone I mentored for a brief time." "She was a student of yours? Huh." He rubbed at his other eye this time. "Must've been some nightmare."
"Yes. Yes, it was." Julianna's voice grew faint as she saw the Slayer's eyes again, cloudy with death, and she shivered. He noticed, and his brow furrowed. "Are you okay, baby?"
The endearment surprised her. She was too old to be anyone's 'baby', but she didn't mind hearing it from Nathan. His concern warmed and worried her. It was another sign that they were getting too attached, and she'd been trying to avoid that. Trying and failing, but you had to try in order to fail. Her expression tried to shutter, and the part of her that wanted this to go on fought it off.
"I'm fine. Really. I appreciate your concern, but it isn't necessary." The would-be writer's youthful face shifted as his expression changed, and he took a step back. In the dim light of the lamp, he looked very young.
"Sorry." It was a mumble, an abashed one. "I know you don't like me to ask...stuff. Really personal stuff. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry."
Julianna stepped back into the apartment, closed and locked the glassed-in door behind her. "That isn't what I was thinking." The blinds were pulled with a whispery noise, and as they settled she closed the short distance between herself and Nathan. The dream was nearly forgotten, leaving behind a muted sorrow. His hair was getting long. She'd been the one to suggest he grow it out. She liked to tug on it.
"What I was thinking it that it's very nice to have someone to give a thought to how I'm feeling," the Watcher said, and her fingers latched onto his dark locks. "I don't have nightmares often, but that's a potent one. It's a very long story, and this isn't the hour to tell it. But the fact that you care enough to get up and see after me is..."
She should stop. She was saying too much, revealing too much. She was...she was beginning to need him. To distract herself from the thought, she pulled his hair. He covered her hand with his. "Jules, I..."
"No." She said it gently, but firmly. "Not now. It's not the right time. It might be the right time soon, but not now." Nathan's chocolate-brown eyes closed for a second, then opened again. "All right. But let me know when it is the right time, so I don't miss it."
"Will you hold me?" His mouth quirked when she asked the question, and his free hand grasped the belt of her robe. "Come on," he said, using the length of purple terrycloth to tug her along. "I'll rock you to sleep. And I'll do it right this time."
Julianna went to the university after leaving the park, took care of some paperwork in her office before preparing her notes for the next day's class. They'd replaced her secretary with someone new and more competent, so she no longer had to worry about lost or misplaced messages. Sifting through the small squares of paper, she made phone calls by their order of importance, finished cleaning out her 'In' box, then closed up her office and locked it.
A trip to the grocery store later, she cooked dinner in her kitchen, then cleaned up the dishes. Nathan was staying over that night. That was something that was happening with more frequency, for reasons she was unwilling to examine. Sometimes it was best to let things flow as they would.
They slept, eventually. The night outside was mild, a breeze ruffling the sparse trees that grew on the edges of the complex. There was no moon, but there were stars. Another tenant walked across the parking lot, carrying a bag of trash to be tossed into the communal dumpster. Somewhere, an owl hooted.
Just before three a.m., Julianna sat bolt upright in bed, a scream lodged in her throat. Her heart was thundering in her ribcage, and she'd broken out in a cold sweat. The red numbers on the digital clock looked like demonic eyes. The dream was already fragmenting, tattering like clouds being blown away by a strong wind. But she could remember the eyes.
'You don't care about me.' Rhiannon's words in Allison's mouth, spoken clearly despite the mangled throat. Green eyes turning glassy, then dull like stones. They'd stayed half-open.
Beside her, Nathan stirred, then rolled onto his side.
The Watcher got up from the bed and found her robe in the dark. She moved into the living room, turned on a single lamp. The balcony door opened with a muted sound, and she stepped outside. Nothing else was moving, the breeze having stilled, and it made the world seem eerily silent. The sweat made her break out in goosebumps, and she rubbed her arms.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. She'd been saying it in her head for seven years, apologizing over and over to a girl who no longer existed. I thought you were prepared, I truly did. The framed final examination hung on the wall in the living room, a reminder and a burdensome memento. I failed you, and I'm so very sorry.
"Jules?"
Nathan's voice startled her, and she tried to manufacture a smile as she turned. "Did I wake you? I didn't mean to." He knuckled his left eye sleepily, pushed the fingers of his other hand through his already tousled hair. He hadn't bothered to put anything on. Ridiculously, she wondered what the neighbors would say if they saw a naked man loitering on her balcony.
"It's three-fifteen," he mumbled, and she stepped towards the door. "I know. I'm sorry. I was having a nightmare." "I heard," he said, pointing towards the bedroom. "You were saying some stuff, but I couldn't make much of it out. Who's Allison?"
She just stared at him for a minute, and a sensation like vertigo reached for her. Deflect the question. Tell him a lie. He isn't a part of that life. Keep him safe. Guilt battled it out with fear, a healthy dose of shame mixing itself in. She opened her mouth, but no words came. Say something!
"She was a girl I knew." Her voice sounded so normal when she said it that it startled her. "Someone I mentored for a brief time." "She was a student of yours? Huh." He rubbed at his other eye this time. "Must've been some nightmare."
"Yes. Yes, it was." Julianna's voice grew faint as she saw the Slayer's eyes again, cloudy with death, and she shivered. He noticed, and his brow furrowed. "Are you okay, baby?"
The endearment surprised her. She was too old to be anyone's 'baby', but she didn't mind hearing it from Nathan. His concern warmed and worried her. It was another sign that they were getting too attached, and she'd been trying to avoid that. Trying and failing, but you had to try in order to fail. Her expression tried to shutter, and the part of her that wanted this to go on fought it off.
"I'm fine. Really. I appreciate your concern, but it isn't necessary." The would-be writer's youthful face shifted as his expression changed, and he took a step back. In the dim light of the lamp, he looked very young.
"Sorry." It was a mumble, an abashed one. "I know you don't like me to ask...stuff. Really personal stuff. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry."
Julianna stepped back into the apartment, closed and locked the glassed-in door behind her. "That isn't what I was thinking." The blinds were pulled with a whispery noise, and as they settled she closed the short distance between herself and Nathan. The dream was nearly forgotten, leaving behind a muted sorrow. His hair was getting long. She'd been the one to suggest he grow it out. She liked to tug on it.
"What I was thinking it that it's very nice to have someone to give a thought to how I'm feeling," the Watcher said, and her fingers latched onto his dark locks. "I don't have nightmares often, but that's a potent one. It's a very long story, and this isn't the hour to tell it. But the fact that you care enough to get up and see after me is..."
She should stop. She was saying too much, revealing too much. She was...she was beginning to need him. To distract herself from the thought, she pulled his hair. He covered her hand with his. "Jules, I..."
"No." She said it gently, but firmly. "Not now. It's not the right time. It might be the right time soon, but not now." Nathan's chocolate-brown eyes closed for a second, then opened again. "All right. But let me know when it is the right time, so I don't miss it."
"Will you hold me?" His mouth quirked when she asked the question, and his free hand grasped the belt of her robe. "Come on," he said, using the length of purple terrycloth to tug her along. "I'll rock you to sleep. And I'll do it right this time."