Julianna was just listening, but the fatalism in Valerie's words had her dismayed. Was it that sense of hopelessness in the blonde that had caused Elfleda to approach her. If she'd been burying the memories about her mother's death, a being like the Corruptress would find her a perfect target. The Watcher's spine stiffened. She must be very careful now.
"I was almost engaged once," she told the Slayer, holding up her ringless left hand for inspection. "It was years ago, when I was much younger. His name was Edmund, and we met when we were at university. We became heavily involved, and for a time we were positively mad for one another."
She was smiling with fondness as she spoke, the old memory a respite from the coldness of the previous topic. Her other hand rubbed the back of her beck. Her fingers pulled lightly at the ends of her hair.
"As ridiculous as it sounds, no one was more surprised than I was when he proposed. We'd never spoken of marriage, even though it was the accepted thing at the time. People did not live together outside of wedlock in my day, not if you didn't want to be considered beneath contempt. It's one change about the world I'm happy with."
She looked at Valerie, meeting her eyes deliberately. It was always best to be frank. "He gave me some time to think it over, and I finally told him that while I loved him and loved our relationship the way it was, I was never going to be anyone's wife. I didn't want a husband or children and I'd made that decision before we met. But I never told him because I didn't think I'd ever need to."
Julianna smile dimmed, and she looked down at her hands to inspect the backs of them. "I was sorry that I'd hurt him. I told him that if the way things were wasn't enough for him then I'd understand. He took the ring back and we never spoke of it again. In fact, we hardly spoke at all for the next six months after that."
Julianna lifted her shoulders in an elegant shrug. "Edmund married someone else. I bought a gift and attended his wedding. I was sorry to lose what we'd had, but I knew that if he waited for me to change my mind he'd be hanging onto false hope. I didn't want to do that to him."
A long sigh escaped the Watcher's mouth. "We still...well...certain aspects of the relationship resumed once he was no longer married, and we work together when we can. I regret the pain I caused him all those years ago, but I wouldn't have subjected him to a lifetime of unhappiness because I married him when I didn't want to."
Julianna was watching Valerie's face now, and she iifted one hand. "However. I didn't say no to his proposal because I was afraid of the future. I was certain that I would have a good, long life the way Mother did. Being positive is what keeps us alive."
She let that sink in for a moment, then hesitantly touched the Slayer's shoulder. "If you're afraid, that's understandable. No one can predict what will happen, not really. But don't give up on living just yet. Not for Brian, but for yourself. Nothing's over yet, Valerie."
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"I was almost engaged once," she told the Slayer, holding up her ringless left hand for inspection. "It was years ago, when I was much younger. His name was Edmund, and we met when we were at university. We became heavily involved, and for a time we were positively mad for one another."
She was smiling with fondness as she spoke, the old memory a respite from the coldness of the previous topic. Her other hand rubbed the back of her beck. Her fingers pulled lightly at the ends of her hair.
"As ridiculous as it sounds, no one was more surprised than I was when he proposed. We'd never spoken of marriage, even though it was the accepted thing at the time. People did not live together outside of wedlock in my day, not if you didn't want to be considered beneath contempt. It's one change about the world I'm happy with."
She looked at Valerie, meeting her eyes deliberately. It was always best to be frank. "He gave me some time to think it over, and I finally told him that while I loved him and loved our relationship the way it was, I was never going to be anyone's wife. I didn't want a husband or children and I'd made that decision before we met. But I never told him because I didn't think I'd ever need to."
Julianna smile dimmed, and she looked down at her hands to inspect the backs of them. "I was sorry that I'd hurt him. I told him that if the way things were wasn't enough for him then I'd understand. He took the ring back and we never spoke of it again. In fact, we hardly spoke at all for the next six months after that."
Julianna lifted her shoulders in an elegant shrug. "Edmund married someone else. I bought a gift and attended his wedding. I was sorry to lose what we'd had, but I knew that if he waited for me to change my mind he'd be hanging onto false hope. I didn't want to do that to him."
A long sigh escaped the Watcher's mouth. "We still...well...certain aspects of the relationship resumed once he was no longer married, and we work together when we can. I regret the pain I caused him all those years ago, but I wouldn't have subjected him to a lifetime of unhappiness because I married him when I didn't want to."
Julianna was watching Valerie's face now, and she iifted one hand. "However. I didn't say no to his proposal because I was afraid of the future. I was certain that I would have a good, long life the way Mother did. Being positive is what keeps us alive."
She let that sink in for a moment, then hesitantly touched the Slayer's shoulder. "If you're afraid, that's understandable. No one can predict what will happen, not really. But don't give up on living just yet. Not for Brian, but for yourself. Nothing's over yet, Valerie."