“Valerie, I will probably want you when I’m eighty.” He laughed, but he wasn’t smiling. “If I get to be eighty.”
He let out a strained breath. She was close to him. Touching him. He wanted to pull her onto his lap and hold her and breathe in the scent of her hair, but he restrained himself to just touching a lock of it, rubbing it between his thumb and forefinger.
“But I don’t know if it’s that simple. I mean… trust me, I know that it’s a big deal to choose somebody and to sacrifice other things you want in order to be with that person. It’s like what I said before, about falling for you? That was huge to me because I haven’t felt like that before, like ever. And this,” he gestured between them, “You putting aside what you’re curious about, what you want to explore, that’s a huge deal to you. But I’m not sure it’s fair.”
He ran his fingers through her hair again. It was easier to look at that than those big, green eyes. He swallowed. The vodka was hot in his stomach. “I don’t want you to say that right now because you’re afraid of losing me. It’s like when the floor drops out, and you just grab on tight because you’re afraid of the landing, but… Just… just think about it. Take time and think about it.”
It was a conscious choice to put the emphasis on Valerie. To talk about how she felt. The truth was, Brian was hurting, down deep in a place he didn’t want to examine yet. He felt like a kid who had fallen off a bike just after the training wheels were taken off, and he was too scared too look at the wound. No, the house wasn’t exploding because he was stifling anything past a surface response. But there was a faint taste of tears at the back of his throat. His eyes burned. He knew hurt was coming.
Hurt that he had loved her so fast, maybe since he laid eyes on her. Hurt that she had actively wanted someone in addition to him, when Brian hadn’t even gotten to properly be with her yet.
He sniffed and looked at the room over the top of her head, where he pressed a kiss. “You and me, we’re meant to be in each others’ lives, Valerie. I just want us to figure out how. It’s better if we slow down and get it right before I, heh, before I,” he rubbed the inner corners of his eyes, “Before I get my heart broken.”
no subject
He let out a strained breath. She was close to him. Touching him. He wanted to pull her onto his lap and hold her and breathe in the scent of her hair, but he restrained himself to just touching a lock of it, rubbing it between his thumb and forefinger.
“But I don’t know if it’s that simple. I mean… trust me, I know that it’s a big deal to choose somebody and to sacrifice other things you want in order to be with that person. It’s like what I said before, about falling for you? That was huge to me because I haven’t felt like that before, like ever. And this,” he gestured between them, “You putting aside what you’re curious about, what you want to explore, that’s a huge deal to you. But I’m not sure it’s fair.”
He ran his fingers through her hair again. It was easier to look at that than those big, green eyes. He swallowed. The vodka was hot in his stomach. “I don’t want you to say that right now because you’re afraid of losing me. It’s like when the floor drops out, and you just grab on tight because you’re afraid of the landing, but… Just… just think about it. Take time and think about it.”
It was a conscious choice to put the emphasis on Valerie. To talk about how she felt. The truth was, Brian was hurting, down deep in a place he didn’t want to examine yet. He felt like a kid who had fallen off a bike just after the training wheels were taken off, and he was too scared too look at the wound. No, the house wasn’t exploding because he was stifling anything past a surface response. But there was a faint taste of tears at the back of his throat. His eyes burned. He knew hurt was coming.
Hurt that he had loved her so fast, maybe since he laid eyes on her. Hurt that she had actively wanted someone in addition to him, when Brian hadn’t even gotten to properly be with her yet.
He sniffed and looked at the room over the top of her head, where he pressed a kiss. “You and me, we’re meant to be in each others’ lives, Valerie. I just want us to figure out how. It’s better if we slow down and get it right before I, heh, before I,” he rubbed the inner corners of his eyes, “Before I get my heart broken.”